DAMAGED Goods: BK's BBQ Ribs!

Burger King. Has. Ribs.

Let that sink in for a moment...Burger King...has ribs.

I didn't know really what to expect as I heard the news; so many things were going through my mind: were they going to be actual bone-in ribs or those processed rib-meat patties akin to a McRib sandwich? Would it be dry-rubbed with spices or slathered in a tomato-y sauce? And, most important, would they be flame-broiled right there on the spot or pre-cooked with drawn-on burn-marks and kept under a heat-lamp for hours on end, satisfying any rube with a hankering for pseudo-BBQ? I must've spent close to two weeks wishing and hoping and thinking and praying about all the different scenarios that might transpire when I got my hands on that little cardboard box of hope and wonder.

It's easy to see why Burger King has gotten off their collective asses and added such a drastically different and out-of-place item on their stagnant (but reliable) menu: their past three or four latest promotional burgers have all been nothing more than variations of two patties covered with either A-1 steak sauce, jalapenos or both. I didn't even bother to try their latest, the IRON MAN 2-inspired Whiplash burger, and you know how much I love food based on Marvel Comic adaptations. It was just more of the same! Oh, I'm sure it would have been OK, but I'm a little tired of “OK” from these guys. They can do better. They have done better.



And, once again, they ARE doing better. The BK Ribs (Is that what we're calling these? I have no idea what the “official” name is.) are phenomenally good. Good in a way that you wouldn't—shouldn't-expect from a fast-food place.

First of all, these are perfectly seasoned, perfectly seared bone-in mini half-ribs, like something you'd find at, maybe, an Applebee's on the apps menu. They aren't huge, and, for the most part, not filling...but they work! Don't get me wrong: they aren't as good as, say, some South Texas joint with a big ol' black dude manning the smoker, but, for ribs watched over by pimply 16-years-olds named Austin, they are delightfully husband-pleasing. Juicy, meaty and perfectly smokey, with the sauce thankfully served on the side. They're best ordered with onion rings and a Dr. Pepper, so as to at least have some sort of authentic BBQ air about them. You don't wanna sell out all the way, Elton John.

The price is a bit steep: $10 for the full meal and, as much as I like them, it's really a bit too cost-prohibitive to eat on a regular basis, especially for the amount. I really guess it all depends on availability of immediate ribs in your area when you get that craving. If you have a local BBQ-rib place that serves a quick and easy lunch at a reasonable price, then, by all means, go there first. But, if that rib hankering sets in about 11:30 and your work is right next door to a BK, then, by all means, order a eight piece. Hell, double and go for sixteen. You've been good, you deserve it.

Hopefully BK will keep experimenting with BBQ and, who knows, maybe even make a bigger, better rib sandwich to compete with McDonald's. Lord knows someone's got to...