GRINDHOUSE UNIVERSE: 3 minutes of smut is good for the soul + CONTEST!!!

GRINDHOUSE UNIVERSE
Ban 1 Productions
Review by Louis Fowler

From the makers of the seminal 42ND STREET FOREVER series comes their latest collection of trash trailers, GRINDHOUSE FOREVER. And, just like the previous entries, this is a needed and necessary addition to any cult film fan's DVD collection. The oddities they’ve uncovered once again will confound and astound, all with a jaw-dropping shockingness that you just don’t see anymore. And clocking in at over two-and-a-half hours, you’ll finally get to see plenty of it. Feel free to cover your virgin eyes.

For example…

• Even with its whimsically jaunty music, SLAVE TRADE IN THE WORLD TODAY, a mondo movie secretly “photographed under penalty of death and smuggled across the borders of two continents”, still manages to look shockingly staged and fabricated. But that only makes me want to see it more.

• Germans get their hot Kraut-kicks in PORNOGRAPHY IN DENMARK, that, oddly enough, seems to be in full German. German businessmen buy porno, hookers and sex toys in this shocking expose'. It’s hard to take seriously, because, when spoken, German is just a plain ridiculous language. (As an added bonus, it’s followed by a German beer commercial starring a hideously creepy German jester!)

• The space race is on, and luckily, Frankenstein is on our side (screw you, Russia!) when gay Martians kidnap swingin’ go-go party kids in FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (filmed in Futurama!)!

• I have always wanted to have a SEXCAPADE IN MEXICO, but after viewing this trailer, I’ll pass. Sure, it’s full of happy Americans messing about with “Mexican whores”; it’s also about a guy who looks like Nigel Tufnel running into three sleazy characters, where “a decision is made to rape a girl.” Did they have a committee meeting?

• C’mere boy! Dog fights, dog kickings, swimming dogs, dog vision, dogs leaping barbed wire and dog assassinations...it’s all in...THE DOG! Which is followed by Joe Don Baker in…THE PACK! It’s a double flea-dip into the world of canine terror and intrigue!

• It's white bikers vs. black bikers, with a whole lotta rapin’ in-between in BLACK ANGELS, “the most violent bike movie ever filmed”. Boy—bikers really are scummy a-holes, no matter what race!

• Hardcore action meets, um, hardcore opera in DAS LIED DER BALALAIKA, starring the ultra-hirsute, extremely rotund Pavarotti-look-alike Ivan Rebroff, in his biggest action role yet! He sings DIE FLEDERMAUS and then knocks a gun out of some dude’s hand in a parking garage! Thanks, Germany!

• The no-budget disco world comes alive in AMERICAN FEVER, when a Travolta clone (why oh why?) travels to Italy to teach those pasta lovin’ clods how to love the nightlife, love to boogie, on the disco ROWWW-OWWWN-OWWWWA-YEAH!

• As someone who’s tasted the taboo sweetness that is dark chocolate, I could totally relate (kind of) to HONKY, “a love story…of hate!” Interracial love explodes across the screen in the sleaziest way possible!

• Women wear short-shorts (!) and guys skateboard upside down (!!) at RECORD CITY, the zaniest, ka-rayziest record store ever! How insane are they? There’s an ape! Yes! Starring Rick Dees, Kinky Friedman, Ruth Buzzi, Larry Storch, and Isaac from THE LOVE BOAT! And holy crap—did I just see Charo, Gallagher AND Harold “Oddjob’ Sakata?!?!!? This is the greatest movie ever made!

• “La-la-la-la-Linda Lovelace!” It’s DEEP THROAT, PART II and, um, it’s rated R. Whose bright idea was that? How did it go from wacky porno to wacky sex comedy with a Bond-style theme song? And why isn’t this available?

I can’t get enough of this stuff, and, honestly, the trailers are usually better than the real movie—it’s like three minute mini-flicks filled with all the bite-sized sex and gore you can handle. And sometimes, like eating at White Castle, just a little bite is all you need.

Want to win a copy of GRINDHOUSE UNIVERSE? Ban 1 sent me an extra copy and I want to give it away to a lucky reader! All you gotta do is send me an email to orcho5000@hotmail.com with the subject “GRINDHOUSE” and I’ll draw a name a random…um, how about Sunday or Monday? Sound good? Good! Now gets to grindin’!